Happy First Birthday Alyosha!

 It is very difficult to find words to explain where we are, a year away from when our sweet boy was born, but the reflection I have written feels fitting, as much as it can. 

This is my Father's world, and to my list'ning ears,

All nature sings, and round me rings

The music of the spheres.

This is my Father's world: I rest me in the thought

Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;

His hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father's world, the birds their carols raise,

The morning light, the lily white,

Declare their Maker's praise.

This is my Father's world: He shines in all that's fair;

In the rustling grass I hear Him pass;

He speaks to me everywhere.

This is my Father's world. O let me ne'er forget

That though the wrong seems oft so strong,

God is the ruler yet.

This is my Father's world: The battle is not done;

Jesus who died shall be satisfied,

And earth and heav'n be one.

I reflect on these lines from this song as we face the reality that our baby, Alyosha, was born and went to heaven, one year ago today. In the months and days leading up to Alyosha’s birth, Chris and I were faced with the stark contrast of God revealing Himself to us through this precious, tiny life, and the heartbreak and brokenness of the situation we found ourselves in. How can you reconcile such opposing things? It is for this reason that I love this song. All of creation “declares their Maker’s praise”. We see this in the precious life of Alyosha. In his every cry and movement, something sacred was shining forth. A tiny, and what the world would consider, weak child, breathing, and in breathing combatting the lies that had been spoken about him before he had a chance to show himself to us. Those little breaths and little movements were bigger than just what we could see, they were and are part of the battle we carry forward, to never give up in the belief that there is and will always be goodness and truth, even in a world of darkness and despair. We don’t forget that Alyosha declares his Maker’s praise, that through his life, our Father in heaven “speaks to us everywhere”. Amidst the darkness and pain, little nuggets of heaven surround us, so much so, that we might hear our Maker pass by. And so we find joy and gratitude, in a place where we would never expect to find it. In our grief, the world is flipped upside down, never to be the same. In this new world, the little things touch our hearts, we notice what we once took for granted. We take shelter under the wings of our God, knowing that “the battle is not done”. And wait with expectation for the day when we will be together again, face to face. 

Happy Birthday sweet boy, we miss you and love you so much.

Mamma and Daddy.