Happy Birthday, Alyosha - Many Dreams Dreamt

 December 31st, 2024

Happy 4 week birthday, Alyosha. So many dreams dreamt for you, my precious son. 

I have a candle lit for you here beside me, on your table where I have all of your beautiful, tiny things. So much has changed since I last posted on the blog. So many thoughts pass through my mind now - do people know I am a mama? Is there shame in carrying no baby around as I walk in the stores? What are the questions, I know there are many. Your mama feels like a big question mark sometimes, Alyosha. 

I want to tell you about your legacy. I am sure in Heaven you know how God has used your life and your testimony to make way for other little babies. Your life has transformed all of us, Alyosha. 

So I want to start with your birthday. There was a lot of chaos, but in all of the chaos, our Lord Jesus showed Himself. In the darkest moment, He revealed His mighty hand. He made a way for you, Alyosha, where others had said there would be no way. And then when you were here with us, so many nurses and doctors witnessed your beautiful life, and I do believe that they experienced our Lord Jesus for themselves in those moments. There were tears, not just from your family, strangers cried, Alyosha. Strangers. How can anyone say God abandons us once they have seen such mighty things? Surely, He sees us, He leaves no one behind, especially the tenderest of His creations, and you are the most tender. We all saw the miracle of your life that day. Your daddy and I, we heard the miracle of your first cries. You are so beautiful. You are real. It was real. It is real. 

Oh Alyosha, there are some beautiful songs I have sung to you that I have to repeat.

Some of these words just encapsulate our feelings about you so much. 

From Give Me Jesus - Upper Room.

I don't want anything but You

You're more than every dream come true

All of the things I thought I wanted

Don't come close to knowing You

Now that I'm Yours and You are mine

Our love is the secret that I find

I'll spend forever in the pleasure

I found looking in Your eyes

More than silver, more than gold

You are the treasure that I hold

Now that I've tasted of Your goodness

Nothing else will satisfy

I don't want anyone else

I don't need anything else

You are my one thing

You are my one thing

You are our one thing, Alyosha.

Others give us the right perspective to appreciate the miracle of your life.

From Miracle Child - Brandon Lake

I shouldn't be alive

My future was six feet under

One foot in the grave

No hope to be saved

I shouldn't be alive

But I'm a miracle child

Defied every diagnosis

And as close as it came

I can stand here and say

I'm a miracle child

Death, where is your sting?

My Savior's word is final

I am resurrected

Blood-protected

I am a miracle child

You're the living, breathing God of glory

I'm a living, breathing testimony

You're the one who turns a dead-end story

To a living, breathing testimony

Through you, God taught us that nothing in this world compares to sharing a relationship with Him, and that He chose us not because of our worthiness, but because He is worthy! He redeems each of us from every flaw. But Alyosha, you had no flaw. Right from the beginning you were God’s redeemed little miracle. 

From Graves Into Gardens - Brandon Lake

I searched the world

But it couldn't fill me

Man's empty praise

And treasures that fade

Are never enough

Then You came along

And put me back together

And every desire

Is now satisfied

Here in Your love

Oh, there's nothing better than You

There's nothing better than You

Lord, there's nothing

Nothing is better than You

You turn mourning to dancing

You give beauty for ashes

You turn shame into glory

You're the only one who can

You turn mourning to dancing

You give beauty for ashes

You turn shame into glory

You're the only one who can

Others still remind us of the victory of your life in Heaven and the mighty work of Jesus who died so that we can all be with Him. 

We imagine you praising God in Heaven, being paraded around by Jesus and getting to be filled with His warmth and His sunshine. 

From Holy Forever - Bethel Music and Jenn Johnson

A thousand generations falling down in worship

To sing the song of ages to the Lamb

And all who've gone before us, and all who will believe

Will sing the song of ages to the Lamb

Your name is the highest

Your name is the greatest

Your name stands above them all

All thrones and dominions

All powers and positions

And the angels cry, "Holy"

All creations cries, "Holy"

You are lifted high, holy

Holy forever

If you've been forgiven, if you've been redeemed

Sing the song forever to the Lamb

If you walk in freedom, if you bear His name

Sing the song forever to the Lamb

We'll sing the song forever and amen

From the very beginning of your existence to your final breath, we have given up our control of this situation to Jesus, celebrating His victories and seeing the beauty in the tenderness of our journey with you. So many dreams dreamt for you, my precious son. 

From Jesus Have it all - Jeremy Riddle

Jesus, have my heart, my will, my soul

Jesus, have my hopes, my dreams, my world

With joy, I lay it down

With joy, I cast my crowns

Jesus, have it all

To You, I bring my praise, my lips, my song

A living sacrifice as one reborn

Your life is now my own

Your will is what I want

Jesus, have it all

Jesus, have it all

Jesus, have it all

To You belongs the glory

The praise of all the world

Jesus, have it all

Jesus, have it all

All blessing and all honor

All majesty and awe

Jesus, have it all

Jesus, have Your church, Your love, Your bride

The joy for which You freely gave Your life

Radiant in white

Washed and purified

Jesus, have us all

Jesus, have Your worth, Your due, Your sum

The praise of every nation, tribe, and tongue

Let all that has been made

Glorify Your name

Jesus, have it all 

Yeah, all my days

All my life

Have it all

All my days

All my life

Have it all

Have it all

And now we ponder the majesty of God Almighty, who chose you to reflect His glory in your vulnerability, weakness and helplessness. To the God who knows vulnerability, weakness and helplessness, you were safely delivered. Praise God. 

From So Will I - Hillsong United and Benjamin Williams

God of creation

There at the start

Before the beginning of time

With no point of reference

You spoke to the dark

And fleshed out the wonder of light

And as You speak

A hundred billion galaxies are born

In the vapour of Your breath the planets form

If the stars were made to worship, so will I

I can see Your heart in everything You've made

Every burning star

A signal fire of grace

If creation sings Your praises, so will I

God of Your promise

You don't speak in vain

No syllable empty or void

For once You have spoken

All nature and science

Follow the sound of Your voice

And as You speak

A hundred billion creatures catch Your breath

Evolving in pursuit of what You said

If it all reveals Your nature so will I

I can see Your heart in everything You say

Every painted sky

A canvas of Your grace

If creation still obeys You, so will I

If the stars were made to worship, so will I

If the mountains bow in reverence, so will I

If the oceans roar Your greatness, so will I

For if everything exists to lift You high, so will I

If the wind goes where You send it, so will I

If the rocks cry out in silence, so will I

If the sum of all our praises still falls shy

Then we'll sing again a hundred billion times

God of salvation

You chased down my heart

Through all of my failure and pride

On a hill You created

The Light of the world

Abandoned in darkness to die

And as You speak

A hundred billion failures disappear

Where You lost Your life so I could find it here

If You left the grave behind You, so will I

I can see Your heart in everything You've done

Every part designed in a work of art called love

If You gladly chose surrender, so will I

I can see Your heart, eight billion different ways

Every precious one, a child You died to save

And if You gave Your life to love them so will I

Like You would again a hundred billion times

But what measure could amount to Your desire?

You're the One who never leaves the one behind

And now we fix our eyes on Heaven, and take the freedom that the world calls foolish, as we wait to meet you again, when our precious Redeemer comes back for us. 

From Joy (What the World Calls Foolish) - Gateway Worship and Martin Smith

Why would I not sing of your praises even when troubles come?

Why would I not worship forever 'cause I've seen the good you've done?

And I'm not ashamed, I'm a sinner saved, no, I'm not afraid anymore

What the world calls foolish, You call freedom, now I won't hold back anymore

I've got joy in the morning, joy in the evening

You keep me dancing in every season

Whatever comes tomorrow, I've got joy

I'm letting go, I'm wild in Your prеsence, dance 'til the sun comes up

You make me strong, whenever I praise You, Jesus, You fill my cup

From Isaiah 61:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

    because the Lord has anointed me

    to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

    to proclaim freedom for the captives

    and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

    and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

    instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

    instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

    instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

    a planting of the Lord

    for the display of his splendor.

So these things, we fix our gaze on, my sweet boy. We are here for you, Alyosha. We will always be here for you. We love you. We can’t wait to see you again. Keep smiling. Keep singing. Keep praising Jesus in Heaven.